Remember When...

As my handsome farmer and I celebrate 9 years of marriage this month, I was reminiscing about the years before children. Or even marriage for that matter! I was remembering when...

Dates were just expected. Every Friday or Saturday night (or both) we would be spending time together. That's just how it was.

Dates consisted of a meal and some fun activity.

It was thrilling to just hold his hand and be with him. That I am happy to report hasn't changed!

Our talks centered around each other's interests, what God was teaching us, and dreams for the future.

I could go out to the field at will and ride with my man for hours.

We had energy.

We could sleep in on Sunday mornings and still make it to church on time. I really miss that...

We rented moves that were interesting, thought provoking, or funny and lacked singing vegetables and curious primates.

Our vehicles were spotless and didn't smell funny.

Our carpet was pristine white and, you guessed it... didn't smell funny.

I did laundry once a week.

I was skinny.

Our lives have drastically changed since our little ladies have joined the family.  But I wouldn't change this stage of life for anything. Those two little girls have brought so much sunshine and joy to our lives and I'm so very grateful! Because now we...

Spend time as a family; laughing together and making memories.

Go on dates to the grocery store and hardware store. These dates may or may not include a meal. More often than not, it's fast food, but as long as I don't have to cook, I'm happy! I used to think such stores were boring, but I've since found that it's thrilling to find bargain milk. And new electrical outlets are exciting to purchase and even more fun to use!

Have our serious discussions interrupted by a charming little two year old who insists that we applaud her bathroom prowess! She's so squishy! It's impossible not to cover her in sloppy kisses. Plus we all get candy every time she "goes"! It's really a win, win situation! 

Squeeze the four of us in the tractor and ride back and forth while drinking pop and eating Skittles like crazy.  

Rest on the promise that there will again come a day when we won't have that glazed look on our faces and our house and vehicles will be orderly and clean. At least that's what "they" tell us. Those same people tell us that we should enjoy these days because they go by swiftly. I agree, and I already miss the littleness of my 4 year old.  I do enjoy that my girls are becoming a bit more independent though.  Call me crazy, but the 3 a.m. feedings of babyhood are killers.

Have found that singing vegetables are actually entertaining! Seriously, have you seen the silly song about "Pants!" It's a must see. I'm tellin' ya! It'd make a judge crack a smile!

I am learning to enjoy exercise! Ok, so that's a lie. I don't enjoy it, but it's good practice in sticking to something and following through. (I gotta find something positive. Forgive me for scraping the bottom of the barrel.)  Oh, and I only follow through on the days when I'm not too tired to exercise... Yeah, we'd better move on.

Nine years of marriage. Hmmm! You know what's funny? Sometimes I still look at my man and think, "Wow! I really don't know you!" And other times I'm amazed at how differently I handle problems that arise between us just because I know him well enough to know what he will, or will not appreciate. I've matured enough to be able to hold my own emotions in check and take a step back and care about what he's thinking and feeling. It's not all about me being heard or feeling validated. It's more about serving each other. I don't like that very much, but if I want a happy hubby and a peaceful family, it's what's gotta happen. 

Ha! My sense of humor has grown too! I've learned to laugh more. There are times when we hand each other the olive branch by way of humor. I can't tell you how many times he's made me laugh in a serious moment and completely diffused the situation. It's great! I had to learn to allow him to do that though. To let go and laugh instead of choosing to hang on to my anger. I'm pretty stubborn, but he's pretty persistent! Thank the Lord!

So, I must say that I'm a better person for having been married to the same wonderful, irritating, funny, frustrating but handsome and smart man for 9 years! I think that we're both better for having each other. I'm blessed! (And he is too!)

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Princess of the King "Veggie Tales" Style

Oh, the wealth of knowledge that can be gleaned from Veggie Tales! No, I'm serious! Quit laughing!

When I was a little girl, I thought it was great fun to dress up in pretty play clothes and pretend to be a Princess. I spent hours imagining myself as royalty. It was great fun to order my invisible servants about. Depending on my mood I could be snitty, or play the gentle, kind, and benevolent princess.

Maybe that's why I began telling my little princesses made up stories about Kings, princesses, and the temptations that little girls face. They are always the princesses and the King is always God who swoops in and saves the day. Oh, the vast array of morals that a sneaky mother can weave into a simple little story!

My Princesses!

I know the challenges and fears that little girls can face. I think that, to a certain extent, every little girl grows up questioning her worth and her beauty.  Especially if her Daddy is absent, abusive, or just uninvolved.  This ole' world feeds her doubts and fears as best it can. Misunderstandings, thoughtless words, and misconceptions further the pain, and before you know it, you can have a confused and hurting little girl. One who is eagerly awaiting her "knight in shining armor" to come in and sweep her off of her feet. She imagines that she will always be loved, never misunderstood, and that her knight will be able to read her mind. What a set-up for failure!

I sheepishly admit that I was that type of girl. How disappointing to find out that my knight is a mere mortal who gets holes in his socks, forgets to take out the trash, and has been known to leave dirty dishes in the sink. It's not fair to my man to put expectations on him that only God can fulfill. While I think that my husband is awesome, and he really is my Prince Charming, he's not God and can't take God's place. God is the only true King of my heart. He never gets holes in his socks, doesn't generate trash (think about that one for a bit), and He always makes things cleaner than they were before He took them in hand.

The other day I bought my daughters a Veggie Tales movie titled, "Sweet Pea Beauty". On this DVD is a tale called "Snoodlerella". Yes, it's a goofy spin on "Cinderella". As I watched it with my girls, I was almost brought to tears. I know! It's truly mind blowing, but hear me out.

Snoodlerella is a young snoodle girl who has, "Uncontrollable hair, glasses, and braces, ill fitting clothes, and cumbersome graces." Now, if you're a woman, there are times when that description fits how you feel to a "T"! You may not have glasses or braces, but you feel ugly. I a lot of times feel like I have "cumbersome graces". If there is someone who is talented at being blunt, occassionally tactless, and unintentionally rude, it's me. My size 9 feet fit right nice in my size 63 mouth. Believe me, I know the frustration of feeling inadequate and just plain dumb.

There is a scene in the movie where Snoodlerella is sent to her room and this is her conversation with her stuffed animals.

"'Do you think I''m pretty?" She asked her stuffed bear.

'I want to be pretty. It just isn't fair.

I want to be noticed. I want to be treasured, and cherished, and loved.'

She said to her dove."*

I know, I know, I can just hear you now. "Outward beauty isn't the most important part of a woman."  But, it is important to her whether she wants to admit it or not. We all have a certain sense of security in knowing that there is at least one male out there who thinks we're beautiful. Be it a dad, husband, boyfriend, or even a brother, it's important. We want to be noticed for both inward and outward beauty because to a woman it's all connected. I'm sure that this is the reason why you see so many women and girls attempting to attract attention by their conduct and dress. They seem to think that if they can attract attention to themselves by their outward beauty, then maybe someone will see their inward beauty and love them for who they are. They're hurting and in need of someone to love them unconditionally. It rarely works out well for them.  They don't need our judgment, they need our love.  It's hard to look past the outer and see their inner pain, but with God's help, I'm learning.

Enter... the King! Just like in the stories I tell my girls, God is the true hero. It's the cry of every woman's heart to be treasured, cherished, and loved. And I'm here to tell you, that you can only feel/know those things completely in the love of our Heavenly Daddy. He really is the only one who can sweep us off of our feet and give us happily ever after. I'm learning this. Not only can He see the broken places in our hearts, but He is the only one who can heal the hurt. It's been a long hard lesson, but I think that I'm getting it. He knows me inside out. He connects the inner beauty with the outward and makes me complete. It's so, so, SO important to a woman that she knows that she's beautiful in both places. I don't know why, it's just how God wired us!  Sometimes we as women stomp that need down, try to bury it, and just ignore it, but who are we kidding?  It's a part of who we are as women and since God made us this way, it has to be a good thing.

So, back to our Veggie Tale. At the ball, Snoodlerella hears the cuckoo clock strike midnight and there she is, back to her cumbersome self. She turns to go home, but is stopped by a voice.

"'Excuse me. Young lady?', the voice asked.

'If I might, with permission of course, have the last dance tonight?'

'With me?', she asked, startled, as she turned to the voice.

'You must be mistaken, I'm an awful poor choice.'

'Who told you you're awful?' He asked. 'How do you know?'

'Can't you see for yourself? The whole world tells me so.'

Then onto the dance floor walked the King as He said,

'Would you like to, my child, hear what I think instead?'

Then the hall filled with music as the King took her hand.

She asked,

'Your Majesty please, I don't understand?'

'I think you're beautiful.' The King said as He smiled.

'I treasure you deeply, You're lovely my child.

I think you're beautiful. Your hair, and your braces, your

glasses, your clothes, and your cumbersome graces.

And many more traits which I could speak of,

There's nothing about you I don't truly love.

You're kind and you're honest,

you're funny and smart,

you're really quite charming, you have a good heart.'

'Your Majesty', she asked as a tear came in view.

'I'd like to believe you, is that really true?'

'Of course it is true, every word that I say.

Daughter, I am the King, and

I made you that way!

I delight in your beauty, you're wonderfully made.

I knew you before earth's foundation was laid.

You're precious to me, every hair on your head.

Daughter, hear and believe. The snoodle King said."*

Did you catch it? It's all right there tied up with a bow! The writers of Veggie Tales are genious. Of course they relied heavily on King David, but give 'em some credit for saying it simply enough for a 4 year old to understand.

Who tells us that we're not pretty enough, smart enough, good enough? Who? It's the enemy of our souls. And it's a lie! He uses a myriad of ways to convince us, but the underlying purpose is to squash our faith in our Heavenly Father.  Sadly, he's pretty successful.

We have got to start listening to the voice of Truth! God made us for a purpose! He thinks we're wonderful! I shiver when I think about the almighty Creator of everything, the One who rules in power and majesty, calling me "daughter". I can't help but be awed that I am a Princess of the King of Kings! I have His favor and His ear. My opinions, thoughts, and feelings matter to Him. He doesn't dismiss me, but He listens in rapt attention as though I am the only one in His care. He values me!

I imagine God, in all His beauty and power, sitting in judgment on His brilliant throne. It's intimidating and frightening! Yet, He stretches out His arm, palm open in acceptance and beckons to me.  He covers my tatters in His cloak of righteousness. He comes to me and bends down, picks me up, pulls me to Himself and gently dries my tears. His very being exudes love! Oh, the intimacy and relief of having someone know absolutely everything about me and loving me in spite of me! He enfolds me in His arms of protection and whispers to me of His forgiveness and love. Raw, majestic power comforting the weakest of the weak. It's His pleasure. It's His joy. It's His delight to do so for me. I'm not a waste of His time. Neither are you.

I'm learning to remind myself that God's love is a reality whether I feel loved or not. Kind of like that mere mortal I'm married to. Sometimes we don't feel like we love each other. Sometimes we're downright mad at each other, but I know that under the frustration, he loves me. He knows that I respect and admire him. I love him too, but respect speaks louder to the male species than our definition of love.

 Anyway, be encouraged! God sees you inside and out and He loves you and thinks you're beautiful whether you have "glasses, or braces, ill fitting clothes, or cumbersome graces".

P.S. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would write a blog post about this subject and honestly believe that what I have written applies to me; I would have laughed until I turned blue.  This post comes from a place in my heart that has hurt for years and is now in the process of being healed.  God has truly revealed Himself to me and shown me that all of the above is true of me.  It's humbling.  It's the cry of my heart that you read this and be touched by the love of our Daddy who sits on the throne.

*Everything in quotes was written by Mike Nawrocki and Mark Steele.

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