The Vacuum Cord

   My sister once told me that marriage and parenting will flush all the selfishness out of your system. Being naive, I thought she was a bit strong with her sentiments, but I wisely (for once) shut my mouth and took it with a grain of salt.

   Then I got married. No longer was I my own person. I had another human being to take care of.  Cooking, laundry, cleaning, helping, figuring out his likes and dislikes, moods, and a whole new family of in-laws to get acquainted with... and the list could go on. Honestly though, a man can mostly take care of himself, so while my new responsibilites took a bite out of my selfishness, it wasn't the whole chunk.

   Five years after the honeymoon, God decided that He wanted to start the process of ridding me of the rest of the selfishness lurking in the deep, dark corners of my soul. When the first morning/all the time sickness hit, God was in a sense smacking me with a large dose of reality. This parenting thing wasn't going to be so easy. After a hard pregnancy, and an equally hard labor, we took that tiny, itty, bitty, little scrap of a human home. I remember being in awe that they were actually going to let us take her home with us! I was excited, but a bit nervous. This beautiful and precious little soul was completely dependant on me for life and health!!! Scary stuff that!

   The first 2.5 weeks at home were nightmarish. I remember crying and wondering when this whole parenting thing was going to start being fun. FUN!! Yes, I actually thought it was all fun to be a parent and I was bitterly disappointed to find that what everyone had warned me about was true, parenting is hard work, sleep deprivation, and a lot of sacrifice! And before you come down on me too hard for not thinking that my children are fun... I DO think that they're fun. I enjoy them immensely, and wouldn't trade them for anything. They're God's gifts to us. But they do keep me hopping.

   So now we're a few years down the road and while the way that I take care of them has slowly become less intense. I'm still finding that there are rotten attitudes that I've been able to keep hidden when untested, but whoa, sometimes little things like wiley vacuum cords can irritate me.

   Lately I've found myself wallowing in a bit of self pity. My mind ponders such things as...

"Cotton pickin'! Another cold/soggy breakfast! And I even got up an hour early!!!"

"Seriously dudette, you just went potty 2 minutes ago."

"I've told that child 76 times not to hang on my blinds!!! How hard is it to obey!?!"

"Oh ug. It's bath time again."

"I want ME time, and I WANT it NOW!"

"Count to ten. DO NOT EXPLODE!!! Even though you have just mopped, muddy little shoe prints all through the kitchen will not kill you. Be thankful you caught her before she made it to your white carpet. Hold your peace woman!" (Sometimes a bit of self-talk is good.)

   Anyway, when I have those kinds of thoughts, God has been giving me a kick in the mental tush. Yes, my hubby is absent more than he's here from May to December, and I have to do a lot by myself, but my man is still around some and helps out when he can and does it cheerfully. I've got a mother-in-law who loves to babysit. And I get to stay at home and raise my children. I've got a lot for which to be thankful.

   Sometimes though, a girl needs a break. It's getting to the point now where, if my farmer and I don't get away for a couple of days, I just might go crazy! I'm really looking forward to our anniversary this year. We are hoping to spend a couple of days together... just us... what bliss! We both need to relax and just be. It's been kind of a stressful year and now that things are starting to slow down, we desperately need to unwind and be totally and completely goofy, quiet, serious, or staring at the back of our eyelids.

   My sister was right though, if you want to be the best spouse or parent that you can be, it's impossible to remain selfish. It's missing out on fun events because your child is sick, or staying up all night holding the puke bucket and then remaining cheerful the next day, or taking the time to administer discipline properly instead of just pretending not to notice disobedience. (Yikes, this one is probably the hardest for me!) Or cleaning up an accident on the carpet after you've just asked the trainee if she had to potty and she sweetly said, "No Mommy". Or when your hubby is preoccupied and walks past the laundry basket without taking it to where it should go, or when he forgets his shirt on the bedroom floor. It happens, and I keep reminding myself that it's not as big of a deal as I make it out to be. Yes, all of the above are annoying and frustrating and tiring, but my response is pivotal. God keeps gently reminding me that how I respond in each of the above situations is how my girls will one day respond. They really are watching me. My feeble argument sometimes goes like this:

"Ok, but God, you've seen my day, this is absolutely the last straw!!! It seems like everything in the universe is conspiring against me!"

   God's response is usually an eloquent silence. This is followed by the knowledge that while I feel like the vacuum sweeper cord is purposely being obnoxious because the deck is stacked against me, I know better. It's not personal. It's just an ordinary vacuum cord that happened to be plugged into the one outlet in the house that has a problem holding the prongs in the socket. The outlet is notorious for this problem and I know it. There is not some cosmic conspiracy attempting to complicate my day by sending an invisible imp to yank the cord out of the socket over and over. It's just life.

   God is using that ornery outlet to teach me patience and probably more importantly how to hold my tongue when I'd just like to blow. (Don't necessarily have that lesson down yet though.) So, not only am I selfish, but impatient, and mouthy. But I think that the root of my impatience and mouthy-ness is selfishness. I get a bad case of the "why me's" sometimes. Usually when I'm feeling tired, lonely and in dire need of some adult conversation!
 
   It's hard to live your life in service to your family, but it's rewarding too. It's a life of sacrifices both big and small.

   Like I said though, things are starting to look up. As the girls mature, my time is not as completely consumed with just keeping them alive. My handsome farmer has cut back on some responsibilities that were basically snowing our marriage. We actually get to see each other and have time to talk without interruption. That has been a huge help.

   We are works in progress!

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Birthdays, Donkeys, and Harvest

   Well, first of all this peanut is having a Birthday!  She's 4 now and likes to think that she's pretty grown up.  She's gentle and sweet, loves babies, dolls and anything pertaining to dolls. She also likes to cook and I can't wait to turn the kitchen over to her in a few years! She likes her Daddy's donkeys and enjoys doing the chores with him.  She loves to wrestle with her Daddy and little sister.

  I remember 4 years ago how I desperately wanted this little girl OUT of my womb.  I had wanted to have a baby so badly that I never even gave it a thought that a pregnancy could be hard.  I just took it for granted that when I got pregnant that it would be easy and fun!  NOT so much.
   In my pride, I had vowed that I was not going to "give in" to such a silly thing as sickness.  I was convinced that it was just in a person's head to be sick.  Oh boy!  God took me down a notch or two in that area!  Mercy sakes!
  I was delighted that we were going to welcome a child, but I distinctly remember the day that the morning/all day sickness hit.  It was there to stay for the next 5.5 months.  Ugh!  I remember the days when the act of just standing up sent me running to the bathroom.  Some days I just decided that it was easier to crawl around on all fours.  As I was lying on the living room floor just wanting to die, I kept telling myself that it was all worth it and that this baby was an answer to my fervent prayers.  The whole pregnancy was dotted with one stresser after another.

   When they placed the smallest and most beautiful baby I had ever seen in my arms, I knew that the months of sickness and pain were definitely worth it!  She was such a delicate little creature with fine features, tiny little face and a skinny little body.  We fell in love at once.  It's funny how that Mama Bear instinct kicks in immediately!  She's worth every ache and pain, and every lost meal.  Her value is inestimable!  We are still enjoying her and all the fun quirks she has that make us laugh and love her more.

   I once again decided to make her cake.  No, it's not Pinterest quality, but it worked just fine for us!  Besides, it was very tasty and when it all comes right down to it, isn't that the most important thing anyway?

   So, we have miniature donkeys.  For a long time Daddy has been talking about getting a saddle for them so that the girls could ride.  Yes, I will admit that I gave a few eye rolls and really never thought that he was serious.  Friends, he was serious.  Yes, my girl got a saddle for her birthday.  I suppose that it's a good thing because it gives her and Daddy something to do together and will provide some important father/daughter bonding time.

   After I saw the saddle on the honk-a-donk, I must admit that it was a pretty cute picture!  Who knows, I might even go out and saddle up a donkey and lead her around!  She had a lot of fun with it until we put the saddle on a different donkey who isn't as beefy.  We couldn't tighten the saddle enough and so it rolled and she fell off into Daddy's arms.  That scared her and we had to force her to get back on, but I think that she'll do fine.  And if you're wondering, the donkey didn't have a problem with the saddle.  He didn't buck or try to fight it.

   In other news, harvest is in full swing and has been for the last month.  Because we can't seem to find dry corn, it is dragging on and on it seems.  As an observant person can tell, this picture was taken a month ago while we were still combining beans.

   This little farmer girl was gearing up for harvest and was "helping" Daddy wash the tractor.  

   And while we are on the subject of my youngest, it seems like she can't smile without putting her whole little body into it!  If you want a real smile from her, you will automatically get the shoulders and arms involved.  It's just one of those quirks that make her unique.  Love that little girl!

   Well, that about sums it up for now!  Have a fantastical day!

   

Twists & Turns

Isn't it amazing the different twists and turns that life can take? I'm constantly amazed at how, just when you think that you can't come to a much sharper curve, the road takes an unexpected turn in the opposite direction.
Recently our family had just such a twist in the road. After months of prayer and fasting, we made the hard decision to leave our church and begin the search for a new church home. It wasn't an easy decison to make, but we felt that God was leading us in that direction. Our reasons are varied and many, but I really don't wish to discuss them.
We are totally depending on God to show us the way and where He wants us. It feels scary sometimes, but I am making a point to surrender our past, present, and future to Him.
There are a few hymns that are really sweet to me right now. "I Surrender All" is one of them. I guess that it's fairly self-explanitory, but the first verse says it all:

"All to Jesus, I surrender,

All to Him I freely give.

I will ever love and trust Him,

In His presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all,

All to Thee my blessed Saviour, I surrender all."

I'm not quite sure why God has brought us to this place but He has, and it's my privilege to hang onto Him for the ride. I am learning to come to the place of giving Him everything and doing it freely. I have a tendency to want to hang onto certain little things that are important to me, but He is teaching me to give every thing up to Him. My rights, my wrongs, my ways of thinking, my preconcieved notions, my attitudes... everything! Trusting Him that He knows what He's doing and has our lives in the palm of His mighty hand. It's not always easy. I have a lot of questions, but I am choosing to rest in His love and care for us.

I'm reading a book right now titled, "The Release of the Spirit" by Watchman Nee. What a great book! I'm able to see just how God is using this time in our lives for good. I'm learning so much and I'm so grateful to Him for leading us all the way!
The book talks about brokeness. It's not easy being broken. In plain English, it stinks! As I've read this book, I've come to see the necessity of being broken before Him. Brokeness allows His Spirit to pour out through the cracks to those around me. I will admit that I've not been very good at that in the past... allowing God to work through me. I can tend to be judgmental. Bringing the gavel of finality down upon someone when I don't have the whole story. I am a bit more understanding now. I can more easily give grace to the hurting. Besides, I have no business carrying around a gavel! That's Christ's job and His alone!
I am easily intimidated at times. I'm afraid of men (and women!) and their opinions of me. I'm terrified that I'm going to say or do the wrong thing. What I've failed to realize is that, if I allow the Holy Spirit to pour out of me, those worries won't even be a concern. It won't be me speaking and conversing with people, it will be the Spirit of Christ in me, leading me to say and do the things that are appropriate for the time and situation. But in order for the Spirit to pour out of me, I have to be broken. The part of me that wants desperately to have people think well of me at all costs has to die. I'm slowly learning what God wants of me. He has been so gentle and faithful in leading me along the way. He has infinite patience with me when I screw up. He so kindly and mercifully leads me back into His presence and there I find love, forgiveness, and a 293rd chance to try again.
Anyway, this is where I'm at folks! This is what God is teaching me lately. I'm grateful to Him for loving me enough to allow me to be broken to make me a vessel fit for His service. Those words come at a cost, but they are honest.
May God richly bless you today!

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