Recently our family had just such a twist in the road. After months of prayer and fasting, we made the hard decision to leave our church and begin the search for a new church home. It wasn't an easy decison to make, but we felt that God was leading us in that direction. Our reasons are varied and many, but I really don't wish to discuss them.
We are totally depending on God to show us the way and where He wants us. It feels scary sometimes, but I am making a point to surrender our past, present, and future to Him.
There are a few hymns that are really sweet to me right now. "I Surrender All" is one of them. I guess that it's fairly self-explanitory, but the first verse says it all:
"All to Jesus, I surrender,
All to Him I freely give.
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee my blessed Saviour, I surrender all."
I'm not quite sure why God has brought us to this place but He has, and it's my privilege to hang onto Him for the ride. I am learning to come to the place of giving Him everything and doing it freely. I have a tendency to want to hang onto certain little things that are important to me, but He is teaching me to give every thing up to Him. My rights, my wrongs, my ways of thinking, my preconcieved notions, my attitudes... everything! Trusting Him that He knows what He's doing and has our lives in the palm of His mighty hand. It's not always easy. I have a lot of questions, but I am choosing to rest in His love and care for us.
I'm reading a book right now titled, "The Release of the Spirit" by Watchman Nee. What a great book! I'm able to see just how God is using this time in our lives for good. I'm learning so much and I'm so grateful to Him for leading us all the way! The book talks about brokeness. It's not easy being broken. In plain English, it stinks! As I've read this book, I've come to see the necessity of being broken before Him. Brokeness allows His Spirit to pour out through the cracks to those around me. I will admit that I've not been very good at that in the past... allowing God to work through me. I can tend to be judgmental. Bringing the gavel of finality down upon someone when I don't have the whole story. I am a bit more understanding now. I can more easily give grace to the hurting. Besides, I have no business carrying around a gavel! That's Christ's job and His alone!
I am easily intimidated at times. I'm afraid of men (and women!) and their opinions of me. I'm terrified that I'm going to say or do the wrong thing. What I've failed to realize is that, if I allow the Holy Spirit to pour out of me, those worries won't even be a concern. It won't be me speaking and conversing with people, it will be the Spirit of Christ in me, leading me to say and do the things that are appropriate for the time and situation. But in order for the Spirit to pour out of me, I have to be broken. The part of me that wants desperately to have people think well of me at all costs has to die. I'm slowly learning what God wants of me. He has been so gentle and faithful in leading me along the way. He has infinite patience with me when I screw up. He so kindly and mercifully leads me back into His presence and there I find love, forgiveness, and a 293rd chance to try again.
Anyway, this is where I'm at folks! This is what God is teaching me lately. I'm grateful to Him for loving me enough to allow me to be broken to make me a vessel fit for His service. Those words come at a cost, but they are honest.
May God richly bless you today!
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