"So, how's the married life?" We ask the newlyweds.
"Don't you think it's about time you start a family?" We say to the same couple a few years later.
"Your little girl needs a brother/sister. It's time you get on that."
Seemingly harmless words. Words meant in jest. Words meant to start a conversation or relieve an awkward moment. We've all said them. We are assured that we will get a positive response. And we always do.
I wonder... are we causing pain to the askee (yes, a word of my own invention)? What about the newlyweds who are struggling. They're wondering just what they've gotten themselves into. We put them into awkward situations when we ask such things. So instead of making a scene and spilling the truth, they smile and lie or try to evade the question.
How about the couple who has been married for a year or two? Have you ever thought about how loaded the question of "When are you going to start a family?" is? HOW does one answer that? And really, is it any of our business?
What if the couple desperately wants children, but it's just not happening? What if your question is just one more knife to their heart?
I know of a couple who was in the process of losing a baby and a friend began to tease them about adding to their family. The woman, who was at that very instant feeling yucky due to the miscarriage, had no words. What does one say in such a situation? Why do we do that to ourselves and others?
We've all done it. We've all asked those unanswerable questions a time or two. We think we know what's going on with each other, but we don't always. We can't always detect the silent pain of those around us.
"Not all scars show...
Sometimes you can't always see
the pain some one else feels."
~Unknown
Sometimes we feel that we are well acquainted with someone and we ask them the most outrageous questions and put them in an extremely awkward spot. I've done it and I've had it done to me a time or two. I guess that I've felt lately that God is trying to tell me to:
"Be sure to taste your
words before you
spit them out."
~Unknown
I know that I am still prone to become uncomfortable and wish to find quick words and thus blurt out an insensitive and rude question. But God helping me, I want to do better.
