The question took me by surprise and even kind of embarrassed me. God was giving me a gentle nudge.
Then it hit me.
I'm passionate about a lot of things, but most of them in the negative.
I passionately hate spring and summer. (Don't even get me started on summer.)
I passionately hate gardening and taking care of the lawn.
I passionately dislike animals unless they are gracing my dinner plate.
And snakes deserve their own line on my list of passionate hated.
And on the list could go. I'm a pessimist. I'm not proud of it. I wasn't always this way. In fact, some would have even called me an over-the-top optimist at one time. Annoyingly optimistic even.
So, what's my deal?
I got hurt. I became dissillusioned with people. I became afraid.
God has been patiently ridding me of fear these last few years. I'm getting better. It's really slow, but I'm seeing progress.
I've made some wonderful friends! Friends full of grace and kindness. Oh, how I love my church! I can be free to be me and everyone will still love me for me!
I'm still healing from the hurt. Some days I struggle with the why of it all. I'm not sure why people I thought were friends decided to turn on me, but they did, so I'm dealing with it. I may never get closure, and I have to be okay with that. I'm not going to lie, it's hard.
I feel God calling me to set aside my negative passions and pursue the positive passions. But first I have to figure out what they are.
So, naturally, I asked my husband.
I could almost hear him scratching his head over the phone. "Well, I would say that your passion is writing."
I let out my breath. I was hoping that he'd say that, but yet I was scared that he wouldn't.
I called my sister, "Hey, what do you think that my passion is?"
"Hmmm, probably writing."
Two for two. I was going to call my mom, but I knew what she would say. Plus she's on Alaskan time, so it gets messy with the time difference.
I think that my true passion is encouragement and the way that I best share my gift is through writing it out. I thoroughly enjoy encouraging people. I love to offer grace and hope to those who are down and hurting. I feel that God gives me the words I need at times to offer encouragement. It's something that I truly enjoy.
I felt like God was confirming to me what He has been calling me to do. I've been dragging my feet. I'm scared. What if I share too much of myself? What if I don't share enough? What if I anger or hurt someone unintentionally. I'm not the type of person who strikes out in revenge.
Yet, God has given me a gift. I feel like it's a very rough gift. One that needs sanding and maybe some varnish.
I'm working on throwing out the fear. You see, my gift was belittled, and I felt, mocked by former associates. I was even told at one time that my writing was a waste of time. That hurt. I've always carried some guilt with me when I sit down to write. I feel a bit like I'm not using my time wisely. I've got to conquer that.
I feel inadequate to write what God has shown me. I'm always sure that someone else could have shared it more clearly, more eloquently than I can. And yet, He has called me to just be me. Hot mess that I am, He can still use me. Honestly, that amazes me. I'm just a nobody.
You know, for years, I've not known what my passion is. Well, I've known that I enjoyed writing encouraging notes, but I've not allowed myself the full joy of doing it. I wasn't sure it qualified as a passion. I've not wanted to admit that I even had a passion. Because then I'd have to pursue it and that's scary. The fear of men and all that.
I'm not out to be the best blogger ever or build a fan base or write a book, all of that sounds exhasting. I'm content to lift the chin of the discouraged and share a smile of hope to maybe only the one or two who read my stuff. It's enough because if only one person is encouraged to carry on, I've done what God is calling me to do.
What is your passion?
What is the gift or gifts that God has given you?
Is it time to pursue it? Is it time to admit it to yourself and get over your fear?
I think it's time.
My gift looks a lot like a kind word here. A secret note there. The occasional blog post. A prayer offered up for a friend in need. A listening ear. The giving of grace to someone who needs a break. A smile of hope to the weary.
What does your gift look like in practical terms?
Maybe it's time you found out and pursued it!
