A Dog in the Freezer

   So, I have this acquaintance, we'll call her Patty.  She called me up one day and in the course of the conversation, she mentioned that their dog of 12 years died.
   I congratulated her and asked how it happened.  This is the story she told me:
   Patty and her family were away for the weekend.  They left Foofie (the dog) in the care of their neighbor.  While Patty and her clan were enjoying themselves, Foofie was getting into some mischief.  Apparently Foofie found some rat poison, and thought it looked tasty.  Poor Foofie!  The neighbor came to check on the dog and noticed that Foofie poo wasn't acting quite right.  So she came back a few hours later and found that Foofie had succumbed to the poison.
   This poor neighbor lady felt terrible and called Patty to break the news to her and the family.  She was crying and tried to be oh, so gentle with such heartbreaking news.
   Secretly Patty was somewhat rejoicing because, while she liked Foofie well enough, she wasn't totally in love with the dog.
   Patty assured her that Foofie's death wasn't her fault.  The neighbor lady worked at a veterinarian clinic and suggested that since the family was away and Foofie was such a family treasure, that maybe she could wrap Foof darling up in a sheet and couple plastic bags and stick her in the freezer until the family got home to bury her.  Patty held a family meeting and they unanimously agreed to turn the dog into an ice cube.
   Now, this is the point in the conversation where I LOST it!  I am NOT a dog lover.  I dislike most dogs and Foofie in particular.  To hear that a sane, level headed person would even think about doing something like this is beyond my comprehension. 
   "YOU WHAT?"
   Sound of extreme laughter on the other end.
   "We had the neighbor lady wrap Foofie up and put her in our deep freeze until we could come home to bury her."
   I was almost speechless...almost. 
   "You have a dead dog in your freezer?  Are you serious?  Like on top of your food?  Stuff that you are actually going to someday eat?  Are you nuts?"
   More laughter.  I know that Patty is telling me this purely to get my reaction.  She is thoroughly enjoying my fit.  Some friend.
   "Well, Foofie was a good dog.  We had her for 12 years and the children loved her so.  Besides, she's double wrapped.  She isn't touching the food."
   "I don't care how long you had her, or how much you loved her or how tightly she's wrapped...to put a dead dog in the freezer is just wrong!  Oh, my word!  I'm having heart palpitations!  Remind me never to eat at your house again."
   "Yeah, it is a little disconcerting.  I went down to get something out of the freezer the other night and opened the lid.  I screamed and quick slammed it down.  I had to take a deep breath and remember that it's just Foofie."
   "Oh. My. Word.  Why don't you bury that thing and get her out of your freezer?  I wouldn't wait another day no matter what."
   "Yeah, I can't get to my bacon."
   "Gross!  You know what's haunting me?"
   "I can only imagine."
   "What if when you move her, her tail breaks off?  Ewwwwww, Gross!"
   "You're so over dramatic."
   "Well, she's frozen, and you know how brittle things get when they're frozen."
   "You're strange."
   A couple of days later Patty sent me a text, "Hey, we moved Foofie, and her tail broke off.  We are overnighting it to you."
   What a sick sense of humor.  Seriously.
   After 2 weeks of moving Foofie to get to her food, Patty finally got the family together to bury the dog.  I know it was this long because I kept calling her to check.  I could go into another whole spiel about that, but I will zip my lips.
   Foofie is now safely 6 ft. under and I am extremely relieved.  I shall avoid Patty's house (and especially her bacon) for about a year.  Give 'em time to use up all the contaminated food.

Yes, this is a true story.  Names have been changed to protect the guilty.