The sun hadn't come up yet. I was reveling in the silence and waiting for the coffee to brew. My chair was comfy and warm.
Then I felt it. The gentle prod to write my daughter a love letter. A still small voice told me to build a bridge to my little girl's heart.
I reached for the notebook I keep handy by my easy chair. Something stopped me.
"Get the pretty stationary paper."
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"She will like the pretty paper."
"Yes, God, she will."
He was right. I knew it. My daughter loves pretty things. They touch her heart in a special way. She's all girl.
I went down and found the paper and began to write a short love letter to my 6 year old baby girl.
Bri is learning to read. It's been a...deal. Reading seems to come harder for her. While math facts are easy to pull out of her head, reading is slow and laborious at times. As of right now she isn't fond of reading. At least that's what she says. I often catch her reading things when she thinks I'm not listening. But it really does come harder for her.
I wrote my letter to her with easy words that I knew she would be able to read or sound out. I crossed out the silent letters and wrote in all the symbols necessary for her to be able to read the letter in it's entirety without any help from me. I folded it and sealed it. I hid it in the pages of her English book; knowing that she would find it when she started her school day.
I wanted her to be excited, to feel special. I wanted her to know that I love her and that she is important to me. I wanted her to see that I went to extra trouble to make it easier for her to read.
She found the letter and opened it. She read the first few words then handed it to me. "Read it to me Mom."
"No, I wrote it so that you could read it to yourself." I thought that this would inspire her to continue reading to find out how I felt about her.
It did not.
Let's just say that there were tears and anguish. She gave up. I'm still not sure that she read it the entire way through.
You know what? It hurts.
Now, I realize that she is just a child. She doesn't totally understand what she did to me. It's my job as a parent to help her to realize how her actions and words affect those around her, but right now, she has a blind spot. We're working on it.
As I listened to her whine and fuss and looked at the tears and saw the frustration on her face, I was saddened by it all. God's voice spoke to me as I stood there silently.
"You know, Jody, I wrote a love letter. Mine is rejected too."
Then it hit me! This is how God feels! He wrote the biggest, most eloquent love letter of all time, and it is rejected, ridiculed, twisted, misunderstood and ignored. He inspired men to write the Bible so that we can know about His great love, and so often it goes unopened. Our selfishness and immaturity get in the way of our truly knowing the heart of the Father who loves us.
It was convicting to me. Lately I've been struggling with doing my daily devotions. It seems that if I don't get up before the sun, devotions go undone and my day goes haywire.
The other night before going to bed, I was SO tired, I jokingly told God that if He wanted me to have devotions, He was going to have to wake me up.
You know what? He does. For some inexplicable reason, I have been waking up at 6:00 sharp. I can't go back to sleep. I feel awake and ready to go...okay, some mornings I feel ready to go. Some mornings I just want to finish my interrupted dream.
I've heard so many excuses as to why some choose not to crack open God's love letter.
"It's boring."
"It's ancient history that has no relevance to my life today."
"It's too hard to understand."
None of those are valid reasons. None of them are true.
How it must wound the heart of God when our lives fall apart and we then turn to blame Him for the ruination of our dreams. Yet, how many times could pain have been avoided if only we had opened His book and sought His face. Played by His rules. Surrendered fully to Him.
When I say seek Him, I mean, really seek Him. Storm the throne room, kneel at His feet, and grab on to Him and refuse to let go until you hear from Him. Hearing from Him requires reading the Bible. It's how He speaks to us. So many times I've found direction and His loving arms wrapped around me through the pages of His Word.
I'm studying the Gospel of John and I'm blown away by the concept that God's love letters became flesh and lived among us, and died to reconcile us to God. It's no small thing.
If He went to all that trouble to reach me, how important it must be to Him that I read the love letter that He went to great and painful lengths to write to me. Though, it is my firm belief that in order to understand His Word, one must pray. Really, the two can't be separated, this prayer and reading. I will admit that sometimes understanding is hard, but it's not impossible. God reveals secrets to those who care to dig for the treasure. But you do have to dig.
The interesting thing about the Bible is the many layers it holds. I'm quite certain that we will never fully understand or know all of the mysteries it hides in the symbolism and seemingly unimportant verses. It's deep.
As I looked into the face of my tearful daughter, God caught my heart and showed me a picture of myself. It wasn't pretty. It's a lesson that I hope I never forget.
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