Come Away

The sun peeks over the hill outside my home.  I see the light creeping in around my window shade.  I curl up into a ball and huddle under the covers, wishing that I didn't have to meet the day.

The hours stretch before me with mundane promise.  Nothing particularly surprising nor invigorating to look forward to, unless you call accidentally washing a treasured white shirt with the blue jean load, invigorating.

As I shuffle towards the coffee maker, I try to conjure up some joy.

I ain't feelin' it.

As a home-school mom, I don't get out every day.  Not complaining.  It's just the way it is.  I'm a homebody and not particularly outgoing, so it mostly works for me.

It's not the being at home part that sometimes grates on my last nerve, it's the I-never-get-to-be-off-duty-or-alone thing that can tend to rile me. Also the bickering.  Dear LAWD, the bickering...

I just really want to go to the bathroom without being harassed. I'd also appreciate not having to mediate between two parties where all three parties lose.  Having a clean house for more than 10 minutes at a time would also be a plus.

The best part about homeschooling is having one's children around all the time.  The hardest part of homeschooling is having one's children around all the time.

This is what I signed up for though.  This all comes with the territory.  Therefore, I've got to find a positive way to deal with the stress of it all. For years, I kind of swept my own needs and desires under the rug.  I put everyone else and their needs first.  I'm a Mom.  That's what Mom's do. Until you just can't do that anymore.

My January was hellish.  I don't usually talk like that, but the saying is accurate.  My February has been minutely better.  It's not awesome...yet. Since February is almost gone, I"m hoping for a fantastic March.

When I say that I was burned out, I mean, really burned out. I have no desire to relive those days here, but suffice it to say that if I didn't know Jesus and didn't have a loving and supportive husband, I honestly don't know where I'd be right now. I learned that tears are healing and I better understand what gut wrenching sobs are. It was ugly folks.

Good has come out of it, however.  I chose to grab on to Jesus and dig into His Word.  I got some good stuff out of the dark time.  My faith was tested and strengthened. I also learned a valuable truth about my relationship with Jesus.

My wonderful husband, seeing that I was/am at my breaking point emotionally and physically, took me on a day date.  Well, kind of.  He went to a meeting about farming and I spent the day by myself checking out an unfamiliar town.  I found a quiet coffee shop, and unloaded my Bible and journal.  What bliss to be able to quietly wait on the Lord without interruption!  What God spoke to me in that quiet time is something that I feel He is ordering me to put into practice.

"So He Himself (Jesus) often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed."

Luke 5:16

You might be interested to know that the italics are not mine.  They are original to my NKJV.  

I think that it's important to note however, that Jesus didn't get away just because He wanted to pamper Himself with a new robe, a manicure, and a glass of wine.  He purposely went out to the wilderness alone to spend time with His Father.  He knew that He needed the connection with God to be able to deal with all the demands on His time and attention.

That's why I think that the idea of self-care is important, but I also believe that we have bought the lie that taking care of oneself is doing whatever one wants to do whenever one feels stressed, no matter how expensive or wasteful of time it may be. 

True self-care is being in tune with the Father's voice and listening to Him sing over us. If Jesus, who is Divine, knew that regular, uninterrupted communication with His Father was vital to the success of His mission, how much more do we as mortals need to hear the heart of God! 

Please know that I'm not saying that it's wrong to have a fun day and do only those things that bring you joy.  I think those days are important also, but I think that resting one's head on Jesus' chest to hear His heartbeat is infinitely more important and should be done regularly. 

I pretty much do devotions every day.  It somewhat depends on how well everyone has slept the night before.  I usually wake before everyone gets up. I have a small chunk of uninterrupted time to focus on Jesus.  But that's not enough.  If I really want to hear the heartbeat of Jesus (and I do), I'm learning that I need to be intentional and make more time.  I've heard people say that even 5 minutes a day is enough.  Well, it is and it isn't.  I wouldn't want to survive on only 5 minutes a day every day for the rest of my life.  Sure, 5 minutes is enough when the kids are sick, you're exhausted, and you have to still cook and clean, but as a steady diet, not so much.

I found another verse that day that made me laugh out loud.  Let me set this up a bit.  

Jesus had sent the disciples out to minister.  They had returned and were telling Jesus all about their mission.  Jesus listened to them and then said this:

"And He (Jesus) said to them, 'Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place

and rest a while.' For there were many coming and going, and they did not

even have time to eat."

Mark 6:31

Does that not sound like being a mom?  Like, who has time to eat?  Every mom out there gets that!  I can't tell you how many times I've sat down to eat and had to leave my food and serve my family.  I have eaten more cold eggs in my life...

Even the important commission from Jesus Himself to share the Good News, could not be completed without getting away to rest and refresh.  God knows our limits and doesn't want us to hit a wall.  He knows that true refreshing only comes from resting and feasting on the truth found in the Bible!

The only things that have gotten me through this last while have been drinking in Scripture and getting away a couple of days.  I didn't realize how burned out I was until I sat alone in the pickup and cried real tears of joy at being alone. I was genuinely shocked by my tears. I was beyond excited to find a coffee shop where I could sit quietly, undisturbed, and seek solace in the Scriptures. I decided that I need at least one day/afternoon a month (two would be better) where I can get away alone and seek Him.

I make all kinds of excuses.  The kids would miss a bit of school.  Grandma might not want to keep them that much. We are so busy...

But I'm realizing that I am in bad shape and my need for Jesus is deep, so much deeper than I realized. My resources are severely depleted.  

I can't give my family what I don't have.  My burning desire is to show them the love of Jesus and teach them about Him.  I cannot effectively do that if I am running on empty.  I need to rest in His arms and hear His heartbeat for a while before going back into the battle.  

You know what else I learned?  Brace yourselves.  It's not a new truth, but it's a hard truth.

I've gotta put down my cell phone.

I know.  It's not new news.  Life was so ugly for me that the cell phone and any other distractions lost their charm.  I looked back at all the hours that I spent on social media and I regretted almost every minute.  I'm not one who watches much TV or many movies, but social media is my Achilles heel. When life looks like it could be at a close, I don't want to look back with regret at wasted hours.  Besides, the example I was setting for my children was horrendous.  

I encourage you to fall in love with Jesus.  I lost my way and put other things first.  I paid the price and it's not something I want to do again.  Seriously, seek Him now before He takes away all distractions and you are forced to hang on to Him.  I can almost guarantee it won't be pretty or comfortable if you wait for Him to get your attention.

If you are a mom and you needed a push out the door, I hope that I have given you a compelling reason to get your bum out the door and to a quiet place where you can focus uninterrupted on Him! 

Do it! It's worth it!